Creek 100
by snuggled
Summary: A 100 Word Challenge surrounded the Creek pairing. Includes swearing, friendship, character studies, mental break-downs and sex. Oh, and love, too. Don't forget that. Will be moved to Mature when the language gets bad enough. Ignore the title.
1. Table of Contents

If you're reading this, it probably means you're interested in the pairing of Craig/Tweek. In other words, Creek. However, there a quite a few pairings in this entire fic as a whole. Why? Well, there are going to be a _lot_ of chapters in this fic. Including this one, there will most likely be 102 chapters. Why? Because this is a challenge.

Before I go into it, I'd like to mention some of the other pairings you'll see:  
Tweek/Red(Rebecca)  
Kenny/Bebe  
Token/Powder(Sally Turner)  
Clyde/Numerous girls  
Butters/Red  
Stan/Kyle  
Stan/Wendy  
one-sided Cartman/Wendy  
Stan/Wendy/Kyle

Now, I hate to get your hopes up, but most of these pairings won't be explored. Most of them will merely be mentioned. So, sorry Style fans, but there's not going to be any lemony-scented chapters with Stan and Kyle getting it on.

The reason why they won't be explored is because this is a 100 word challenge dealing with the pairing of Craig/Tweek. Creek, not any of those other pairings. Now, the challenge takes 100 words from a word-generator and makes the author (in this case, me) write chapters inspired by each word. The order of words can not be changed, and so it's easier for one to write one-hundred one-shots. I won't be doing that, which will make my stubborn head do somersaults trying to make everything fit into a single plot and trying to keep the continuity intact.

This foreword is mainly so I can tell you my list of words, so here it is:

001. Eats  
002. Obsession  
003. Simplifies  
004. Heterosexual  
005. Halts  
006. Incorrectly  
007. Richer  
008. Insects  
009. Deducing  
010. Removal  
011. Hierarchy  
012. Uncomfortable  
013. Cut  
014. Effects  
015. Cousin  
016. Failing  
017. Chill  
018. Oppressing  
019. Plaguing  
020. Roots  
021. Burden  
022. Often  
023. Hydrogen  
024. Switched  
025. Opening  
026. Verbose  
027. Run  
028. Prince  
029. Advertised  
030. Address  
031. Thickness  
032. Bare  
033. Tell  
034. Hacks  
035. Stereo  
036. Profiles  
037. Processes  
038. Repeatable  
039. Winning  
040. Line  
041. Induces  
042. Weird  
043. Raises  
044. Version  
045. Accorded  
046. Preferably  
047. Forbids  
048. Chose  
049. Patch  
050. Preliminary  
051. Vacuum  
052. Suffered  
053. Assigned  
054. Illusion  
055. Permission  
056. Directive  
057. Potatoes  
058. Prize  
059. Shining  
060. Rest  
061. Crowd  
062. Windows  
063. Wings  
064. Interference  
065. Engineers  
066. Draws  
067. Expressway  
068. Byte  
069. Marketed  
070. Arming  
071. Beam  
072. Solo  
073. Architecture  
074. Presuming  
075. Enforces  
076. Farthest  
077. Urges  
078. Television  
079. Government  
080. Detached  
081. Services  
082. Relocation  
083. Destines  
084. Spiral  
085. Forms  
086. Brought  
087. Snail  
088. Cuddly  
089. Bursts  
090. Eliminated  
091. Talk  
092. Desert  
093. Broke  
094. Dead  
095. Entertained  
096. Exited  
097. Suppressed  
098. Operators  
099. Stunning  
100. Coats

And what a lovely list it is. You probably just scrolled down and chose not to bother with any of that crap, and I can't really say I blame you. I haven't looked at that entire list since I first looked it over. It's annoying. So, without further ado, click on the damn chapter button.

Wait, I actually still have something to say:  
I actually like pop culture, and I also really like social orders and all that jazz. I also like how the creators made up different little things like the Okama Gamesphere as opposed to the Nintendo Gamecube. Chances are it's more likely they couldn't get the rights to mention it by its real name or whatever the hell is legally going on, but I enjoy it all the same. You'll see me make a few of these in this fic. Such as _The Coprah Show _(Oprah), Speedy and Shade the Hedgehog (Sonic and Shadow), Spears (Sears) and the like.

I also really like showing the differences in interests between characters, so when I put something one of them likes in a chapter, I'll write a little tidbit about it after the content of the chapter.

So with all of that said, you may now go to the first chapter if you like.


	2. 001 Eats

This was the first one I wrote, so I had no clue how to go about this. Because of that, I ended up not going into details of what happened in their childhood or anything and just dove right in to the middle of their junior year. In doing so, I also didn't cloud up the story with excess knowledge that didn't fit the subject of the chapter, which was the title and word that was generated. I'm still not that pleased with this, although it does make for a pretty good one-shot. Anything that has to do with the process of what I put into it and why I put it in there will go after each chapter, respectively.**  
**

* * *

**001. Eats**

**eat (v)**_to take into the mouth and swallow for nourishment; chew and swallow (food)._

Craig took a peek–just a little peek. He couldn't keep himself from watching Tweek devour that biscotti. He would dip it once, twice, holding it under for four seconds each. Then, he would put it against his lips and twitch slightly at the heat as he crammed it in his mouth.

That's what it was for Tweek–he barely ever forced it in; yet he never really opened his mouth at the same time. Craig loved it: Tweek always looked like his mind was somewhere else when he ate. Not only that, but he twitched less, as well. Because of this, Craig could hardly keep the smile from appearing on his lips. Craig's smiles were always lopsided. They were somewhere between a smile and a frown. Of course, Tweek would have argued that was just fine–after all, his friend was a rather lopsided individual.

It nearly killed him to snap his friend back to reality. "Tweek, the lunch bell rang. It's time for class."

Tweek fell out of his seat, twitching violently and screaming "ACK!" dramatically. Craig just laughed and stood there with his hand outstretched to help the blond back up. As Tweek took Craig's hand, his eyes twitched and his tongue ran over his bottom lip, licking the remaining soppy crumbs away.

"Thanks, Craig– Oh God! How late are we?! What if I'm late for the exam?! Jesus!" As he dashed off down the hall, Craig paused for a moment to get his heartbeat back to normal.

There were many things Craig enjoyed watching, and Tweek eating was just one of the few he had to be cautious about, lest he do something he'd regret later.

* * *

**Biscotti and How Tweek Eats  
**This was actually loosely inspired by how I was eating one day while watching a movie. I have severe ADD, so even if it looks like I may be watching a movie or paying attention, it soon becomes apparent I'm not by how I'm acting. When I'm zoning out while eating, I usually just start shoving the food into my half-open mouth and chew out of reflex. I don't open my mouth any wider to let the food in, which results in shoving the food in there. -shrug- I'd never eat biscotti, and I'm fairly sure eight seconds in coffee wouldn't make it "soppy", but ah well. 


	3. 002 Obsession

I like a lot of these chapters mainly because I bring up the title throughout. Let me explain using this chapter. One, it starts off with Tweek's obsession with the Underpants Gnomes. Two, it brings it up further by Craig analyzing how Tweek is obsessed with everything, and because of that he's prone to breaking easily and freaking out. Third, it brings up Craig's own obsession with Tweek himself. And in doing so, I end up making the entire content practically _drip _with the subject.

* * *

**002. Obsession**

**obsession (n) **_the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc._

"I'm telling you–ngh!–Craig! The underpants gnomes are real! How else could I lose all my underwear?! GAH!"

"We've gone over this, Tweek. They aren't real."

Craig smiled wistfully, working on some Pre-Cal homework. It was after school, and Tweek had been going over to his house ever since _Red Racer_ was cancelled in the sixth grade. He had to hear this every day, and sometimes he wished _Red Racer_ was back on, just to go one day without hearing this. But he knew he'd regret it: He just couldn't go a day without seeing Tweek.

"Yes, but Kyle–"

"–Cartman, Kenny and Stan all saw them. Yes, I know, Tweek."

Tweek's eyes widened and he scooted away from Craig's couch. "Nnngh–No! Stop reading my mind, Craig! Jesus! What are you, a wizard?!" He began pulling on his hair, eyeing Craig as if he were about to pounce like a hungry pit bull.

"No, Tweek. You've told me the same thing for eight years now. If I couldn't finish that sentence, I'd have mental handicaps."

Tweek seemed appeased by this, but, as Craig noticed, he never _really_ got over it. He always seemed to tense up after moments like this. Craig could only wonder why. It was as if Tweek could not shake the feeling that he could, in fact, read that enigmatic mind of his.

Craig sighed. Tweek was obsessive-compulsive, without a doubt. He was too hyped up on stimulants for it to be healthy to him, yet he still drank coffee. He was obsessed with those gnomes, obsessed with the world, afraid it was all collapsing on top of him.

It was no surprise that Tweek couldn't completely trust him when it came to reading his mind–the poor boy was paranoid, after all.

Craig felt a bit sad for the blond, to be honest. Tweek could not relax. If there was one thing he wanted Tweek to do, it was to relax–the exact same thing that would never happen. So, he resigned himself to staying by his side at all times, ready to pull him back to Earth in case his mind dragged him off in a fit of hysteria.

He was obsessed with watching Tweek, studying him. He was obsessed, particularly, with figuring out how to get him to relax. The task was daunting–near impossible, even–but he wouldn't give up. Tweek was a big portion of his life, now.

"God dammit. I'm so obsessed." He squeezed the bridge of his nose, chuckling lightly as he momentarily stole Stan's trademark trait.

Tweek jumped a bit and whirled back to face Craig. "Wh-What did you say–ngggh–?!"

Craig chuckled and just went back to working. "Just talking to myself, Tweek. Don't let it bother you."

* * *

**Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and Stan**  
Episode 217. The title of it is _Gnomes_, and is all about Tweek and the Underpants Gnomes. That's what Tweek is referring to when he tries to convince Craig they're real. 

**Stimulants  
**My experience with having ADD is not a good one. Early ADD medications were basically stimulants. For people who have ADHD (ADD is simply ADHD without the hyperactivity associated with it), it's actually possible for them to take cocaine and have it work just as well as their regular medications, because cocaine is also a stimulant. Amphetamines are used illegally as club drugs and are also stimulants. However, they are also in normal medication for ADHD. From the third grade to even right now, I have taken stimulants for it. The adverse affects ended up making me paranoid, prone to break-downs and panic attacks, and an insomniac. In the ninth grade I completely snapped and started freaking out about anything and everything. I couldn't stand near windows because I could get hit by a projectile; I couldn't sleep in my own bed because if I did I'd die in my own sleep; I couldn't be in an open room, in the middle because I could get grabbed by something behind me, so I started staying near walls. Basically: I became an irrational mess. Since caffeine is also a stimulant, high doses of it over time will also eventually lead to some of the same things I went through, which is same for cocaine and any other stimulant. Tweek was based off of tweekers, so he exhibits the same paranoia and crap cokeheads who've taken too much cocaine over a long period of time also experience.  
The good news is that now there are many non-stimulants that help kids with ADHD without hyping them up on stimulants and making them zombies. The bad news is that they don't actually work as well and so kids develop social lives and start doing poorly in school again. (I'm lying. Not all kids on non-stimulants are like that. I ended up doing that when I changed to a small dosage of stimulants and a higher dosage of non-stimulants, so that's why I'm saying that crap.)

**Stan's Trademark Trait  
**Stan's mother and father also do it, so it, like Craig's family flip-off sessions, is actually a family trait. This is not to be confused with his "Awwww! Awwww, come on! Awww!" outbursts or Craig's nasally voice, which are also family traits.


	4. 003 Simplifies

This is another one of those chapters that was a bit wonky for my tastes. Most of the earliest ones seem too forced, to me. Especially the ones in the teens. (Mainly chapters 11 and 16) I can't really complain, though, because if I didn't force them, they probably wouldn't have ever gotten done. The main reason being that the words were so incredibly boring. One of the main reasons why I don't like this chapter is because I don't really think any of the examples I gave would be considered over-complicated. I will say, however, that I'm glad it turned out that way, because later on in the plot it becomes increasingly obvious that Craig's over-complicating things. And when I say over-complicating things, I mean he's making things worse than they would be if he didn't try so hard.

* * *

**003. Simplifies**

**simplify (v) **_to reduce in complexity or extent_

It was Wednesday, and he didn't have any homework. Sitting on his bed, listening to the music on his iPod, Craig came to a realization. His whole life, he had tried to complicate things. Like that time in the fourth grade, when he found out he had lice. He had tried to hide it–the second he stepped out from behind the screen, he put his hat on his head and proudly stated he was clean.

Or that time…the first time he actually acknowledged Tweek. Kyle, Stan and Cartman had decided to get the two of them fighting. He had over-complicated it, saying over and over he was defending Stripe, when all the while he was wondering if Tweek really was saying those awful things about him and his guinea pig.

And yet, in the hospital, he and Tweek had found a common ground. It was rocky at first, but they made it work. They soon became close friends. And he really couldn't understand why he had felt the need to make amends with Tweek in the first place…

Things could be so much simpler–like calling the teachers douche bags and getting away with it like Thomas. Yet, they weren't…at least not for him. It was baffling, really. Why did he complicate things? Why couldn't he just simplify everything?

He turned to the blond sitting next to him. "Hey, Tweek…I want you."

Tweek began to hum, completely oblivious as he took a sip of coffee and started working on his own homework. He twitched every so often, and after a moment Craig noticed the mp3 player Tweek had curled around his arm.

He sighed, mumbling to himself. "If you just listened to _me_ for once, I would be _so_ happy…" Life was just too complicated with music players.

* * *

**Lice  
**Made famous in the episode titled _Lice-capades_, mainly because Craig takes off his hat in that one and you get to see his hat hair. Ha ha. I always imagined he'd look like a black-haired Clyde, to be honest. xD But yeah. As shown in that episode, all the children had lice, so he was obviously lying when he said that. Sorry if I spoiled the episode for any of you, but you shouldn't be haphazardly reading South Park fanfiction if you haven't seen most of the show. Most fanfictions end up referring to the show in at least some way. Well, at least mine do...

**Acknowledging Tweek  
** The episode titled _Tweek vs. Craig_. This is also a fun episode because it shows where Craig gets his lovely habit of flipping people off on impulse. The main reason why I brought this up was because it mentioned Stripe, whom Craig loves with every fiber of his being and would _never_ shove up his ass. I also wanted to mention how he and Tweek became friends in the first place, but I never got around to it. All that matters is that they became friends afterwards, as shown in the later seasons of the show.

**Thomas  
** Ah. Thomas. He's in the episode titled _Le Petit Tourette_, and Craig grows very envious of his ability to call people naughty words and phrases. He then tells Thomas that he is cool, and he wants to be his friend and do his laundry. In my fangirly mind, I've attributed Craig's apparent affection for Thomas to be simply because he's a bit spastic like Tweek. So shut your mouths Craig/Thomas fans; nothing you can say will change the Craig/Tweek fangirl in my heart, because she rationalized me out of every other pairing Craig could have with anyone else. Although I can say that, despite the fact that the creators just wanted Craig to say something funny and made him offer to do Thomas's laundry, the only other reason for why he'd offer that I can imagine would be so he could get a whiff of the clothes and intoxicate himself with Thomas's scent. Yes, I am well aware intoxicate wouldn't normally be used as a verb. Shut up.

**"...I Would Be _So _Happy..."**  
This was in the aforementioned episode. Craig would say this after Cartman would "tic" and yell out some random string of foul words. At the end of the episode, he overhears Thomas and then blah blah blah I already mentioned this in the previous paragraph.


	5. 004 Heterosexual

What else can I say other than I was_ so _stoked to get this word for my challenge? And this early on in it, too. It was like _begging_ to be made into a story about boy love. I'd also like to say that the whole Tweek/Red pairing is brought up in this chapter. Of course, the pairing is mostly one-sided on Red's part, but Tweek obviously reacts to her flirting in this, so it can't _all_ be one-sided.

* * *

**004. Heterosexual**

**heterosexual (n) **_a person sexually oriented to persons of the opposite sex_

Craig knew early on that there must have been something weird with his brain. He had to have something wrong wired in there somewhere. There was something really, really, really wrong with him and he was sorely ashamed of it.

He was not straight.

On more than one occasion he'd caught himself staring at another guy's ass. Usually it was Tweek, but sometimes it wasn't. Kenny, Stan, Clyde, Thomas. It was enough to make him go crazy. He was just a messed up kid. Extremely messed up.

But the worst part was that Tweek was most _definitely_ straight.

On more than one occasion he'd caught Tweek blushing when Kenny was making lewd comments and showing off his latest issue of Playboy. He also saw Tweek smiling a little when Rebecca flirted with him, or when Stan was talking about how amazing Wendy was–which was everyday, of course.

And so, that brought on his question on Thursday.

Tweek was taking a test over after school after ripping it up in a spasm of terror at not finishing in time, and Craig was in detention for flipping off the teacher…again. The only upside was that he had become _much_ more well-behaved during freshmen year, and it had lasted all the way to his junior year.

Tweek came out and slung his backpack over his shoulder, twitching and clenching his fists nervously. Craig stood up and smiled.

"Are you gay?"

Tweek twitched, letting out a swear and a scream, getting red in the face, glaring. Craig put a hand over his mouth. Dammit! Why did his mouth move before his thoughts did!? He shrugged it off to gain his composure, and Tweek shot him a dirty look.

"**No.** I like girls. I'm straight. Jesus! This is because you think I'm girly, right?! Nnnngh! I'm getting sick of it, Craig! God! If–nngh!–If either one of us were gay, it'd be _you_!"

He turned to walk, but Craig grabbed his arm. "Wait–"

"Oh Jesus!" Tweek whirled around and stared at him angrily, twitching and raising his arms defensively.

"I…was only asking because you didn't seem that interested in girls."

"Girls ask you out all the time and–and you never accept! You're not interested in girls, either, but you don't see me calling you–rrrrrr–calling you gay!"

Tweek stormed off and Craig's heart sunk as he put his hand over his eyes, muttering, "Why do I want the things I can never have??"

* * *

**Flipping Off the Teacher  
** My version of Craig is a good boy who's learned to control his impulses. Nevertheless, he still has them, and he hasn't been doing it long enough for it to be extremely easy for him. So he still has his moments. Throughout the fic he acts on his impulses accidentally. At the moment he acts on at least twelve, I believe. But I'm sure they'll grow in number in the rest of the chapters I haven't written yet. This would go for his mouth moving before his thoughts do. He seems like the type of person that forgets to filter out some of his thoughts before they come out of his mouth. 


	6. 005 Halts

I had fun writing this chapter. It was one of those that came on a burst of inspiration, and those are the fics I end up being fond of. That's really all I can say. Well, I suppose I _can _say that this isn't the last you'll hear of the Goth Kids.

* * *

**005. Halts**

**halt (v) **_to stop; cease moving, operating, etc., either permanently or temporarily_

Pink Adidas Superstars. At least, white with pink stripes.

Those were the shoes Tweek was wearing. Tweek had a rather feminine preference when it came to shoes. Craig smiled a little, staring at them. Tweek really_was_ girly…

"Jesus, Craig! Where are we going, anyway!?"

Craig swiveled around to face his friend, looking up at the sky casually, thinking. Where_was_ he going? He remembered he knew where he was going a few seconds ago…but the shoes…

The arcade? No, that would be too lame. Maybe they could go hang out at Stark's Pond…

Craig sighed, running ahead a little. There was always that little shack…although the Goth Kids liked hanging out there and smoking… After a moment, he heard Tweek wail and make a "thud" sound, so he stopped and turned around.

Tweek sat up, shaking and trembling. "Oh Jesus! I tripped over my shoe laces! Oh God!!" He stared at his hands in shock, staring at the scraped skin and the blood oozing out slowly. "Sweet Jesus, I'm bleeding! Gaa-augh! I'm going to die!!"

His head ticked violently and Craig ran over, bending down. "Oh Christ, Tweek. You're always freaking out over nothing… Here, let me see that…" He reached for Tweek's hand, but Tweek pulled it back.

"N-No! Oh God, no! I–I'm f-fine, Craig! Nnngh. Pressure!"

Craig smiled a little, backing off. Tweek hated having his personal space invaded. He pulled up on the legs of Tweek's jeans, grabbing the loose laces with his fingers. "Well, at least let me lace your shoes up. Honestly, Tweek. If you can't lace up your shoes properly, you might as well get a pair with Velcro."

"No! Only babies wear those!"

Craig snorted a little, tying the laces into thick knots so they wouldn't come loose. "Well, maybe you _are_ a baby, Tweek. A little baby _girl_."

Tweek hit him in the face angrily. "Go to hell, Craig! I'm not a baby or a girl!"

He stood up and ran off, leaving Craig shaking his head and chuckling to himself as he rubbed the spot where Tweek had smacked him.

* * *

**Pink Adidas Superstars  
** These were inspired (along with another chapter) by a picture I drew of Tweek and Craig, where Tweek had sewn a hat for Craig that looked like a rabbit. That picture was inspired by a fic where I read how Craig's grandmother called him Bunny, possibly from the hat-flaps. Either way, in that picture Tweek was wearing these. And I'll tell you why:  
When I was in middle school, I had a friend that was probably the definition of a girl. She followed practically every stereotype of girls. She gossiped about people that she appeared to be nice to; she was boy obsessed; her entire room was filled with the colour pink; she wanted to be a cheerleader; the list goes on. Well, one time at lunch she walked up and randomly giggled and showed us a pair of shoes she had gotten. To this day, I _still_ cringe when I hear the words, "Hey guys! Check out my new shoes!" and those shoes will _always_ be what I think of when someone says an article of clothing is girly. They are probably the most _girly_ pair of shoes I can think of, even more so than tiny, tiny pumps with skinny straps all over them. -frowny face- I also can't think of Tweek without picturing him in these shoes, sadly. Even worse, they never coordinate with the clothes I picture Tweek would wear...

**Tweek Is a Girl  
** I don't know, Craig just seems like the type of person that likes aggravating people. I'm fairly certain he'd get a laugh out of pissing Tweek off, simply because he'd think it funny to see Tweek so riled up. I don't know. Do any of you see Craig as the type of person that would piss off his object of affection just because he likes seeing them get all angry?


	7. 006 Incorrectly

Alright, this is one of those cliché flashback chapters. There will be two flashbacks to their childhood, and both of them deal with them starting to like each other. As in, more than just friends. Of course, Tweek's is more of him sticking up for his friend, since Tweek is straight and all. Another funny thing to mention is that each flashback chapter is six away from the beginning and end of the entire story. Oh yeah, and before I forget: This chapter is the first instance of the F-word being used. Trust me, there'll be a lot more where that came from.

* * *

**006. Incorrectly**

**incorrect (adj) **_not accurate or correct; wrong_

Craig could admit it–he'd always been just a little messed up in the head. His family gave each other the finger any chance they got–he learned it at the age of three and his first word was "bastard". He could admit it without feeling ashamed; after all, most of the kids around him ended up being pretty messed up from their families. Like Kenny. And Butters. Hell, even Cartman's mother spoiled him rotten.

In the fifth grade, he first became ashamed of how messed up of a kid he was.

That was the year he started thinking Tweek was cuter than most girls.

Tweek had been yelling at Cartman–the two were at each other's throats quite often. He couldn't remember why they were arguing, as was usual with most memories of Cartman and his friends, although that was the time everything had been hazy. At one point, Cartman gave Tweek the finger, and, of course, he couldn't pass up that opportunity.

He looked up from something he was working on with Bebe and turned to see it. His feet moved before his thoughts did. In a split second, he was standing next to Tweek as the blond suppressed the urge to pummel Cartman to a bloody pulp.

Craig flipped him off, glaring and telling Cartman where to shove it, and Tweek shut his eyes tightly and yelled, "Y-Yeah, Cartman! Go–Go f-fuck yourself!"

He mimicked Craig…using his ring finger instead.

Everyone burst out laughing, and Craig had looked over to see what the problem was. When he saw how mortified Tweek was and which finger was used instead, he, too, burst out laughing. Tweek jumped and let out a feeble yell before running away from the playground.

Craig had followed him, of course, to help comfort the spastic blond. He found Tweek curled up around the corner, bewildered. He walked over, and Tweek looked up. "Oh Jesus! Wh-Why was everyone laughing!? Nnngh! Is it _that_ weird to see me do that?!

Craig stifled a chuckle, giving him the finger. "This is how you're supposed to do it. You used the wrong finger."

Tweek tilted his head and mimicked it, using his ring finger again. "I–I know! That's what I did!"

Craig grabbed Tweek's hand and pushed the ring finger down, lifting his middle finger in its place. "No, you're supposed to use _this_ finger."

Tweek twitched and fell backward. "Oh Jesus! B-But that hurts! It's a lot easier with my other finger!" He sat down, a determined look on his face, and attempted to raise_ just_ his middle finger.

He was unsuccessful.

He could raise his ring finger just fine, but when he tried raising his middle finger, his index finger went with it. He stuck his tongue out in concentration and Craig had laughed.

"Ha ha! Tweek, you're so cute! You look like a girl!"

Tweek had told him where to shove it and Craig blushed, trying to take it back.

But, it was too late. The damage had been done, and he was even more messed up than before.

* * *

**Craig is Messed Up  
** Craig's family is Catholic, as shown in _Red Hot Catholic Love_, so of course he would start thinking he was messed up for thinking a boy is cuter than most girls. I also like the fact that even though he considers him and his family messed up, almost every single family in South Park is just as, if not more, fucked up as his. That said, I think it's safe to say that this goes with the classic thought many gay people deal with that everyone will think they're messed up and their parents will disown them. My personal experience has found that most of the kids I know who are gay _aren't_ picked on or disowned. Still, these things still happen, just not _nearly _as much as they were in previous decades. 

**Craig and Bebe  
** What on earth could they be working on out on the playground? I have no idea. I had assumed arts and crafts or something, but why in _hell_ would Craig be working on that when he could be playing football with his friends? I think it's safe to say he probably was helping Bebe get her imaginary engine started like the pretend mechanic he is. And, of course, when Tweek call out, he comes running. Bro's before ho's, of course.

**"Fuck"  
** I use the F-word as an expletive, which is what it _should_ be used for. Don't give me that crap like "Uuuhuhhh, fuk _is _a epletyhive stpid!!!11" or "Are you stupid? They say fuck all the time in that show. Why aren't they saying fuck as often as they do in the show, you fucking moron??", because I'm a _writer_. I plan to do this for a living someday, and the truth of the matter is most readers don't want to see "fuck" every other word. It takes away from the text. It ruins the mood, and when in used in large quantities, the true impact is lost. I use it to show just how angry they are. When I use it, it means they are _beyond_ angry and frustrated and are on the verge of physical violence. It means they are so angry, they loathe the victim to the very core at the moment and want to see the other suffer. And trust me, just wait until you get to chapter 97 if you're a big fan of the F-word. Tweek starts using it every other word because he's so freakin' pissed. And to those of you who _are_ big fans of the F-word and use it whenever possible, as pronouns and adjectives and verbs and nouns and adverbs and entire sentences: Fuck you, and go get a dictionary to expand your vocabulary.


	8. 007 Richer

This chapter was entertaining, and was inspired by one of the actual episodes in South Park. There's not much to say, other than I love Pip, even though he's my least favorite character. And as for that effed up word in the definition, that wasn't me. That was actually in the dictionary I looked it up in. Unhealthfully. How utterly epic _is_ that word?? It's like a two year old got control and decided to add as many suffixes as possible to it! Anyway, enjoy this chapter. And Clyde's one track mind.**  
**

* * *

**007. Richer**

**rich (adj) **_(of food) delectably and perhaps unhealthfully spicy, or sweet and abounding in butter or cream_

It was a lovely day, but Clyde and Craig were too busy arguing at lunch to notice. Token was sitting beside them, rolling his eyes and eating silently. After a moment, Tweek walked up and sat down. In his hand he held a cup of coffee which, while it was rather ordinary, was fairly rare since it was a cup of coffee from his own father's shop.

And it looked different.

"Look, all I'm saying is that if he had gills, he shouldn't have been able to breathe above water!"

"No, frogs can live on land and underwater just fine. Or those mudskippers. Besides, it's only a movie, Clyde! And how can you really get so worked up about_ Waterworld_? It's only the best movie of all time! There's nothing to complain about!"

Clyde slammed his fists on the table. "That chick was hot and we only got one lousy almost-sex scene! There weren't enough boobs in it!"

Token smiled over at Tweek. "Hey, Tweek. As you can see, Clyde pissed Craig off and insulted his favorite movie again."

Tweek twitched and smiled a little, glancing over at Craig. Craig and Clyde were now focused on him, and Tweek jumped a little, unnerved. Clyde's voice mumbled, suddenly embarrassed upon realizing he was still in a lunch room.

"Well…so all I'm saying is there weren't enough sex scenes…is all…"

Craig rolled his eyes and Clyde hit the closet case's hand, looking scared and pointing at Tweek. Craig looked over at Tweek, bemused. "What's up, Tweek? Your dad invent a new flavor again?"

Tweek nodded dumbly, taking a sip. "Nnngh. It–It tastes good, but I really can't find anything wrong with coffee, no matter how it tastes. He asked me to ask some of my friends to get a more unbiased opinion…whatever that means…"

He looked over at them hopefully and Clyde made a face while Token coughed a little and leaned over to the table behind them, pretending to focus on a conversation going on over there. Craig sighed and held out his hand.

He really hated coffee, and Tweak Brothers' coffee tasted like raw sewage, even if it_ had_ gotten better over the years. Tweek's father had tried to make the coffee tastier by adding creams and milks–the worst combination being goat's milk and imitation cream–, but most of the time it wound up being a flop, like the aforementioned combination was.

"I'll try it Tweek. What did your dad do to it this time?"

"Oh…um…he brewed it a little longer and used a different kind of filter, so it strained a bit more of the grime out of it. And–And he also added caramel and honey to it…or–or something…"

He handed Craig the cup and Craig took a sip, grimacing. Clyde snorted and Token looked back, eager to see the gagging begin.

All in all, it wasn't_too_ bad: Tweek was right; it didn't have as much grime in it as it used to; there weren't any gritty pieces sticking to his teeth, so the coffee grounds must've been finer, too. He tasted a hint of honey and a _lot_ of caramel. It was almost sickeningly sweet. And it was, of course, still much too bold for Craig's liking.

"Tell your dad to cut back on the caramel. I mean, it's great and all, but it's too rich. And maybe put some milk in it or something to dumb down the flavor a little."

Tweek gasped, jumping out of his seat. "Dumb down the flavor–are you nuts?! C-Coffee's meant to be bold! That's like adding a moustache to the Mona Lisa!"

Clyde burst out laughing. "Oh, Tweek. You always have to add in a little French joke in there. You silly coffee-drinking Frenchie."

Tweek just glared as Pip happened to be walking by. The Brit gasped and chucked his can of green tea–it was the only tea they had in cans being sold in the cafeteria–directly at Clyde's head.

"I am _not_ French, Clyde! You should know that by now! And coffee is absolutely horrid!" He stormed off, muttering something about frogs under his breath and Clyde just rubbed his head, looking dazed and confused.

* * *

**_Waterworld _  
** At the beginning of episode 810, _Pre-school_, Clyde is seen talking to Kenny and Kyle. He is in the middle of a conversation and he says, (I may be wrong on this) "He swam from Atlantis and he had these gills and, like, webbed fingers..." Well, if any of you have seen _Waterworld_, you'll know it's about a man who's mutant and has fish gills and webbed feet. At one point he swims down to the bottom of the ocean and shows the sunken civilization beneath it, much like Atlantis, only it was New York City. It reminded me of Waterworld, which is made of win, and I ended up having the same sort of thing happen. In short, that little conversation inspired this entire effing chapter. Only, since it's the _older_ Clyde, who's obsessed with titties, it's about something much more different.  
_Add this to your list of Craig's likes: (Because I know _all_ of you have one for this fic.) The movie Waterworld._

**Mudskippers  
** cn u say mudkips?/ i liek mudkips!111

**Experimental Coffee  
** In the episode _Gnomes _(217), Tweek's father's coffee is described as tasting like "raw sewage". He also talks to the Harbucks manager and finds the light of reason. I'd like to think that it inspired him to try and make his coffee better, and to try and invent new flavors and crap. Which, he'd need to anyway if he needed to keep his business from failing.  
_Add bold coffee to Craig's list of hates. Also add caramel to his list of likes. In my mind, he is in love with caramel._

**"Are You Nuts!?"**_  
_I don't know why, but I could see Tweek getting all up-in-arms about making coffee less bold. He seems like the type of person that would be _that_ much of a coffee fanatic to do that. I'd also like to point out that I also see Tweek to not care at all how coffee tastes, as long as it is strong and he's getting a lot of caffeine from it. And so, by his exclamation, "That's like adding a moustache to the Mona Lisa!" it's shown that the very idea of dumbing down the boldness of coffee is like committing heresy, or at the very least, being a sore travesty._  
Add bold coffee to Tweek's list of likes, of course. _

**Silly Coffee-Drinking Frenchie**_  
_First of all, if tea is a British thing, then coffee would be a French thing. Coffee is one of those things that's big in France, because I'm all about stereotyping people, ya know. (sarcasm) However, moustaches are also a French stereotype. Also, the Mona Lisa is, while Italian in origin, located in the Louvre in Paris, so that just adds yet another French element in there. Thus, Clyde ends up making an ass of himself and calling Tweek out on it. (Tweek obviously didn't say it knowing all of that.)

**Frog  
**Frog is a derogatory term for a French man or woman, so this implies that Pip was muttering racial slurs to the French. Yet again, adding onto the age-old hatred between France and Britain. I'm well aware they worked together in the World Wars, but they still have a long-standing tension between them. Everyone knows that. I'm just perpetuating a joke in adding this in here. So don't get all up in arms about it.


	9. 008 Insects

I had fun writing this chapter. At one point I had Craig reading a book, and then I thought to myself, "What the hell? Craig's not a bookworm!" I think I actually wrote him reading a romance novel, which is, to say the least, frightening.**  
**

* * *

**008. Insects**

**insect (n) **_any animal of the class Insecta, comprising small, air-breathing arthropods having the body divided into three parts (head, thorax, and abdomen), and having three pairs of legs and usually two pairs of wings_

"Ahhhh!"

Craig looked up from his comic book, angry to see that Tweek was screaming again. "What the hell, Tweek? Could you keep it down? It's just getting good." He sighed and went back to his comic, eager to see how Batman would get revenge on Stephanie Brown's death. It was appalling really–torture and sexual abuse. She had to get _some _sort of memorial out of it, right?

Tweek screamed again and flew to his side, away from the closet. "Th-There's a beetle over there! You didn't say your house was infested!!" He screamed and ripped out a few locks of hair.

Craig grimaced, knowing what it was, but Tweek wouldn't shut up. He put the comic down and walked over to the closet. He pulled out a few boxes, along with a poster board with insects tacked to it.

"I collect bugs, Tweek. Jeez. Don't freak out."

Tweek screamed. "Wh-Why would you do that!? They carry diseases and bite and sting and– Oh Jesus!" He ripped at his hair again, twitching and clawing at the bedroom door every so often.

Craig rolled his eyes. "Would you rather we hang out at your house from now on?"

Tweek shook his head. "N-No! My room's messy!"

Craig rolled his eyes. "You hardly have much, Tweek. All you're interested in are those damn underpants gnomes and coffee…"

"…Th-That's not true. I have other interests…"

Craig rolled his eyes. "I'll bet…"

* * *

**Stephanie Brown  
** Stephanie Brown was a character that many female readers were enraged by in the Batman comics. Originally, she takes over as Robin for a while. However, when she is sexually abused and then killed, her entire existence seems to vanish off the face of the earth. Craig is reading after her death, hoping to see Batman kick some serious ass and for the current Robin, who was her boyfriend, to get all vengeful and shit. To make a long story short, it never happens, and Stephanie Brown becomes one of the biggest controversies in the Batman fandom.  
_Add Batman to Craig's list of likes._

**Bugs**  
When my brother–hell, even now, my brother has an obsession with picking whatever he finds that strikes his fancy off the ground (or building) and taking it home. At one point he found a _giant_ hornet dead on the ground and took it home. He put it in a little plastic box along with a dead wasp and placed it on the counter over the kitchen sink. That was six years ago. I was doing the dishes a while ago and saw it there. What the hell is it still doing there, and why isn't it all moldy? My dissected crawfish head didn't even last a week after I brought it home from school! I even put it in the refrigerator! It had been coated in phermaldahyde! Anyways, I'd just like to say that I could see Craig collecting gross things, and bugs would be one of them, because they look pretty cool up close _when they aren't biting and stinging your effing face!_ Why he decided to keep them in his closet is anyone's guess. You'd think they'd fall off too easily in there.


	10. 009 Deducing

Hey, it's the appearance of everyone's favorite word again! Yay. Anyway, this chapter was one of those ones where I wanted to show how much of an ass Clyde is. Ever since the List episode, I've been picturing Clyde as this big jerk that does exactly what Bebe mentions in this chapter. Doesn't he seem that way to you? He does; he has to!

* * *

**009. Deducing**

**deduce (v) **_to derive as a conclusion from something known or assumed; infer_

"Ugh! I can't stand Clyde anymore. Every two weeks he breaks up with me and moves on to someone else. Then, after they break up with him, he comes crawling back to me! It's gotten really, _really_ bad now. He just thinks that all the girls want him when they just want his fucking shoes!"

Craig had been stuck in the library after school, listening to all of this. It was driving him crazy! He was glad he at least had Tweek beside him to make it more bearable. Tweek had stopped giving input the minute Bebe got on to him for being "socially stupid".

Presently, Bebe's face brightened up. "And so, I've come to the end of my explanation… Craig, you seem like such a dedicated guy. You're always putting up with Tweek–"

"_Does she even know he's right there next to us?"_ He wondered. _"Is she just being cruel?"_

"And I think loyalty is the best quality of a person. So…I was wondering…"

He groaned inwardly. _"If she's just going to beat around the bush, I'm leaving. Seriously. She should just say it so I can tell her off."_

"Craig, would you go out with me?"

Craig smiled, and shrugged casually. "I'm sorry Bebe. I'm just not interested in you." She coughed a little and adjusted herself so her cleavage was a bit more visible, but Craig knew what she was aiming for. "Sorry, that won't work either. I just don't find you interesting enough to date. Not that you aren't, but _I'm_ just not interested enough to date you."

She groaned, and then glanced at Tweek. "Psh. You've never looked anywhere else but at him. Jesus Christ, Craig. Are you and Tweek a couple or something?"

Craig laughed, a bit more strained than usual. He saw her eyebrow raise and a smirk appear on her face. Well, he had to come up with an excuse, quick. "Sad to say I'd probably treat you the same as I treat him. He's my best friend and I don't really interact much with him, much less girlfriends." He shrugged. "Sorry."

He was kicking himself mentally for blatantly avoiding the question. That had to be suspicious. She smiled a little. "You _are_, aren't you?" She had dismissed the couple idea–if they had been a couple, Tweek would have undoubtedly reacted to that implication–and switched to "vaguely implicating" something else, by which Tweek probably wouldn't understand Craig's answer and be none the wiser.

"_Bitch. So she __**did**__ know he was in the same room…"_

He glanced over at Tweek objectively, trying to hide his blush as best as he could. Tweek stared him in the eye for a moment before twitching. "S-Stop staring at me like that."

He looked back at Bebe and shook his head. "Nope." He tried to hide the laughter in his voice, but it was quite hard. He just loved getting Tweek in a tizzy.

Bebe smiled and stood up. "That's alright, Craig. I'm sure I can find someone else with _some_ of the same qualities you have… Not naming a few I'd like my boyfriend with_out_…since I'm sure you already know what they are."

She walked out of the library and Tweek grabbed Craig's arm, glaring. "Jeez! Why do you have to go off and stare like that?! It's irritating!!" Craig laughed quietly, finally settling to winking at him.

"Sorry, I just love provoking you."

Tweek went red in the face, indignant. "Sh-Shut up and stop provoking me! I hate it! And why didn't you agree to go out with Bebe?? She's pretty, and I'm sure she's got a good personality…"

Craig sighed, picking up his bag. "Come on, Tweek. I'll drive you home and we can study for English. As for the question, I didn't want to go out with her because she can be a real bitch. Did you see how she said that I 'put up with you' knowing full well you were right there listening?"

Tweek trembled a little, anxious. "Y-Yeah…but you don't, right?"

Craig chuckled a bit. "Everyone puts up with everybody else. It's just a matter of whether they enjoy it or not."

Tweek slouched a little, opening the door that led to the student parking lot. "D-Do you enjoy p-putting up with me?" He rubbed his hands together nervously and twitched.

Craig stopped and turned around, hitting him lightly in the forehead with his fist. "Psh. Would I give you rides home and try to make time to hang out with you if I didn't? I probably couldn't last a day without putting up with your antics." He grinned and Tweek returned it, adding a little bit of commentary on his own.

"Yeah, well wh-who said the feeling was mutual! I–I have a mind to just walk away, Oh Great Provoker."

Craig laughed; he knew Tweek was just playing.

* * *

**The Dreaded Cleavage  
** I know that Bebe stated the show that she doesn't want to get through life on her looks, but I don't think she's above using them to get a guy she wants. Getting a guy and getting a job are _completely_ different things. So don't think I tried to make Bebe look like a slut, because I don't really think she is one. I just wanted to show that she knows how to get a guy's attention. Also, what she looks for in a guy is fairly noble. Of course, it's mainly because Clyde isn't dedicated or loyal, and therefore she is looking for someone who's better than him.

**Qualities Bebe Doesn't Want  
** Basically the gist of what Bebe says to Craig is, "I can see you're gay, and I would prefer someone who isn't."

**Craig's Logic  
** No one who reads this can say that's not true. I can't honestly say that my friends don't piss me off every once in a while because I'd rather be alone. I also honestly can't say that I _like_ all the friends I've had. Pink Adidas girl is one of them I didn't really like, but I put up with her. So, the true friends _are _the people you enjoy putting up with.


	11. 010 Removal

Remember in chapter five I mentioned that a picture I drew inspired two chapters? This is the other chapter._There isn't much to say about this chapter, I'll just let you read it. _

* * *

**010. Removal**

**remove (v) **_to take off or shed (an article of clothing)_

It was odd, staring at the hat lying on his bed. The hat was crocheted, striped with coffee brown and cerulean blue. The flaps at the side had strings of pure cerulean dangling from them, two little pom-poms the same colour as black coffee hanging from those. It _did_ look warm…

"What the hell, Tweek?"

"Ahh! Y-You don't like it??"

Craig glanced over at the blond twitching beside him, who was rubbing his hands together nervously. He sighed after a moment. "No, I think it's cool, but where did you learn to crochet? That's so girly."

_Twitch, blush._ "M-My mom took me to a sewing and crocheting class when I was in the sixth grade… She said if I found some way to occupy my hands, I wouldn't be so twitchy all the time…"

"Neat." Craig picked up the hat, removing his own. His old hat had been worn thin over the years, hardly even keeping him warm anymore. "It looks warm…"

Tweek pointed at the hat, folding it in a little to show coffee brown felt lining the inside. "It–It was difficult, but I managed to connect a layer of felt onto the inside, so it should be _very_ warm."

Craig flashed him a smile and Tweek cautioned a smile in return as his friend tried it on. Craig waited for a moment, getting used to the feel of it. "Hey, this _is_ warm. Thanks, Tweek. When did you find time to make this?"

"L-Last night. Auugh!" He twitched again and Craig gave a low whistle. Wow… He stayed up all night just to make him a hat?

"That's…touching, Tweek. Thanks, man. I noticed there are a lot of coffee-coloured pieces to this… I guess you have a lot of it, huh?"

_Twitch._ Tweek's voice broke a bit when he started the sentence. "N-No, actually. I had to buy all of it yesterday afternoon…" His cheeks turned_ slightly_ pink. "Because I thought if it had the coffee colour in it, it'd make you remember our friendship… GAH! E-Even if we went to different colleges or something." _Twitch._

Craig gave him a smile and a man-hug. "Thanks, man." Tweek smiled and hugged him back. For a moment they just stood there, holding each other's shoulders.

"Y-You know, I also make little thermos cozies… If–If you want–"

Craig burst out laughing, anticipating Tweek's angry response. "No thanks, Tweek. Thermoses are for fags."

* * *

**Crochet  
** _Add sewing and crocheting to Tweek's list of likes_. That's all I can say.

**Thermoses and Fags  
** What can I say? Thermoses are pretty lame and tacky.  
_Add thermoses to Tweek's likes, and also add them to Craig's dislikes._


End file.
